just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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