I am puke
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
