If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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