so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
