I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
