I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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