He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
