you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
