I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
