he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
