I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
