very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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