the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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