Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
