I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
