Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
