why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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