So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
