Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
