so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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