I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
