My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
