Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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