Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
