I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
