i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
