After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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