oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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