I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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