my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
