So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
