The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
