Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize