Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
