what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize