Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
