I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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