they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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