You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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