is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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