I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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