Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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