She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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