i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
