is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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