Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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