Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
