3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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