first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
