I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize