I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
