He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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