Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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