Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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