can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
