You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
