just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
