I wanna bring you to show and tell
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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