Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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