hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
