Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
