dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
