So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
