Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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