Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize