You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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