Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
