we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
