did you get engaged???
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
