it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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