you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
