New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
