i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
