We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
