My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
