Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
