If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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