He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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