Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
