Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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