You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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