and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
