Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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