I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
