Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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