Someone shit on the floor
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
