half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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