I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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