Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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