Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
