Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
