Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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