no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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