Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize