Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
