4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
