he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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