My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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