the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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