Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize