I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
