My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
