How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
