I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
