Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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