I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
