considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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