at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize