your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
