So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
