smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
