I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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