How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
