i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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