non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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